dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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