Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i love accidental penises.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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