cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
