Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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