I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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