he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
