What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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