The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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