I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Randomize
