We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
