totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
