He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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