I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
