9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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