She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
