You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
