i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
