we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
