He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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