We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do herpes really smell.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
