sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no you cant smoke seaweed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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