Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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