Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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