I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
