I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
