my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
