No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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