if you like me you must not know who I am
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
