Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
