Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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