Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
