and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
