I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
