i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
