you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
