So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
