"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
