i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
