"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
