the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you win again, gameday.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Even my vagina gasped.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
