so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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