so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't deserve a penis
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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