Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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