she was so not down for the gang bang
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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