just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
