Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
