I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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