He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
