Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
