It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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