Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
